Sarcastic Secret: This is a Toilet Seat

January 21, 2011 at 2:00 am 23 comments

By Chad Upton | Editor

Sure, you can hold it, we all can. But one day, your knees will buckle and you’ll actually want to use a public toilet.

When you need a public toilet, there’s nothing more demoralizing than discovering the last patron was a Neanderthal. Of course, you have to forgive them — cavemen don’t know that attachment is actually a seat. The archaeologist in me suspects that cavemen believe it is a funnel, you know, to help them get everything in the bowl. If that’s true, they may be more advanced than previously understood.

If you ever catch one of these beings, enlighten them. Tell them that other people reluctantly want to sit on that seat.

An abstract and slightly less plausable hypothesis is that some of them are aware that it is a seat, but are worried about catching some disease when they lift it. You can let them in on the toilet-paper-secret: use a tiny wad of paper to lift the seat. Then leave that toilet paper on the floor as a potentially embarrassing trap for someone else to catch on their shoe. Just kidding of course, you can let them in on this other little secret: toilet paper can actually be placed right in the toilet.

Also, direct them to the flush lever. It’s incredibly effective when used.

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Entry filed under: Sarcastic. Tags: , , , .

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23 Comments Add your own

  • 1. This is a Toilet Seat | Lisa Risager | Jeg ♥ WordPress  |  January 21, 2011 at 8:11 am

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  • 2. bearfoot  |  January 22, 2011 at 2:55 am

    And appropriately enough these posts have really gone down the crapper lately.

    seriously, is this the best you can do?

  • 3. bearfoot  |  January 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    I’m sorry for being so negative. I’m just a lover of trivia and interesting stuff.

    Lately it seems like you’ve been dashing off posts on topics that don’t hold my attention. This post is an example.

    I don’t subscribe to just any blog and I looked forward to more engaging subject material. Unlike the guy who complained about the older posts too long I fond the stuff engaging enough to actually want more.

    The sarcastic posts were just something I was willing, more or less, to put up with because I understand that they all can’t be winners and that you likely have a life outside of the blog.

    But with that said I think I owe you an apology. While I feel that the posts have not been up to the usual standards lately it was inappropriate of me to, for lack of a better term, rage post.

    Unfortunately the greater internet D-wad theory was in full effect there and I apologize for that. (Internet + anonymity + normal people = total d-wad.)

    I had a not very good day and frankly I was feeling trollish. Thank you for your professional reply and thank you, hopefully, for understanding.

  • 4. Ago  |  January 22, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    I just want to be clear…I LOVE THE SARCASTIC SECRET

    Oh and lifting the toilet seat with the toilet paper may have just been my “aha” moment of the day…gold

  • 5. Unintentional Housewife  |  March 15, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    I’ve trained as a ballerina for the last 29 years. When I decided to take up snowboarding, I couldn’t get the concept that I had to stick my rear out in order to attain balance on the board. Until one (female) fellow snowboarder told me, “just do the ‘hover'”. It was a revalation to me. Every American female knows how to use a public restroom without actually touching the seat. It seems to be something that male Americans haven’t had as much practice with. I wonder why…

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