Posts tagged ‘sarcasm’
Sarcastic Secret: This is a Toilet Seat
By Chad Upton | Editor
Sure, you can hold it, we all can. But one day, your knees will buckle and you’ll actually want to use a public toilet.
When you need a public toilet, there’s nothing more demoralizing than discovering the last patron was a Neanderthal. Of course, you have to forgive them — cavemen don’t know that attachment is actually a seat. The archaeologist in me suspects that cavemen believe it is a funnel, you know, to help them get everything in the bowl. If that’s true, they may be more advanced than previously understood.
If you ever catch one of these beings, enlighten them. Tell them that other people reluctantly want to sit on that seat.
An abstract and slightly less plausable hypothesis is that some of them are aware that it is a seat, but are worried about catching some disease when they lift it. You can let them in on the toilet-paper-secret: use a tiny wad of paper to lift the seat. Then leave that toilet paper on the floor as a potentially embarrassing trap for someone else to catch on their shoe. Just kidding of course, you can let them in on this other little secret: toilet paper can actually be placed right in the toilet.
Also, direct them to the flush lever. It’s incredibly effective when used.
Broken Secrets
Sarcastic Secret: Signal Lights
By Chad Upton
Tickers, blinkers, indicators and flashers. They have many names, but only one purpose: to let people know your car is about to change course.
In most vehicles, a lever on the steering column moves up or down to activate flashing lights on either side of the car.
I suspect a lot of people don’t even know their car has such lights, but they’ve been standard on cars since cars.
Maybe it’s a confusing concept, so I’ll try to explain it in a straight forward manner: if you’re about to turn your steering wheel, put these lights on first.
I find that some people use signal lights like the horn. They know they’re there, but they only use them when they need you to move.
Most vehicles also have a way to put all four blinkers on at the same time. The vehicle manual may refer to these as “four way flashers” or “hazard lights” but a lot of people know these as “park anywhere lights.” Their understanding of this feature is, when you want to double park, park in a fire lane or any other no parking zone, these flashing lights give you temporary immunity from parking regulations.
In all seriousness, signal lights first appeared on cars in 1907, but weren’t patented until 1938. Some cars from the 1920s to 1950s used solid (non-blinking) retractable lights on the sides of the car, called a trafficators.
Broken Secrets
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Source: Wikipeda (Signal Lights)
Photo: Wikimedia (gnu free)
Broken Secrets 