Posts filed under ‘Sarcastic’
By Chad Upton | Editor
Sure, you can hold it, we all can. But one day, your knees will buckle and you’ll actually want to use a public toilet.
When you need a public toilet, there’s nothing more demoralizing than discovering the last patron was a Neanderthal. Of course, you have to forgive them — cavemen don’t know that attachment is actually a seat. The archaeologist in me suspects that cavemen believe it is a funnel, you know, to help them get everything in the bowl. If that’s true, they may be more advanced than previously understood.
If you ever catch one of these beings, enlighten them. Tell them that other people reluctantly want to sit on that seat.
An abstract and slightly less plausable hypothesis is that some of them are aware that it is a seat, but are worried about catching some disease when they lift it. You can let them in on the toilet-paper-secret: use a tiny wad of paper to lift the seat. Then leave that toilet paper on the floor as a potentially embarrassing trap for someone else to catch on their shoe. Just kidding of course, you can let them in on this other little secret: toilet paper can actually be placed right in the toilet.
Also, direct them to the flush lever. It’s incredibly effective when used.
By Chad Upton
Tickers, blinkers, indicators and flashers. They have many names, but only one purpose: to let people know your car is about to change course.
In most vehicles, a lever on the steering column moves up or down to activate flashing lights on either side of the car.
I suspect a lot of people don’t even know their car has such lights, but they’ve been standard on cars since cars.
Maybe it’s a confusing concept, so I’ll try to explain it in a straight forward manner: if you’re about to turn your steering wheel, put these lights on first.
I find that some people use signal lights like the horn. They know they’re there, but they only use them when they need you to move.
Most vehicles also have a way to put all four blinkers on at the same time. The vehicle manual may refer to these as “four way flashers” or “hazard lights” but a lot of people know these as “park anywhere lights.” Their understanding of this feature is, when you want to double park, park in a fire lane or any other no parking zone, these flashing lights give you temporary immunity from parking regulations.
In all seriousness, signal lights first appeared on cars in 1907, but weren’t patented until 1938. Some cars from the 1920s to 1950s used solid (non-blinking) retractable lights on the sides of the car, called a trafficators.
Source: Wikipeda (Signal Lights)
Photo: Wikimedia (gnu free)
Unless you’ve got hired help or a fancy fridge, there is no ice fairy who magically creates the ice in your freezer. That said, there is a fairy ice cube tray.
Anyway, if you leave less than three cubes, then you have to make more ice — that’s the ice cube rule. Fear not, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3:
- Go to the sink and fill the tray with cold water
- Place the tray on a flat surface inside the freezer
Anybody can make ice; there is no reason why the ice cube tray should be empty. Forward this to the guilty party in your home, maybe they’ll get the hint.
PS – If you don’t want foggy ice, check out this secret: Use Hot Water to Make Crystal Clear Ice.
Broken Secrets | By: Chad Upton
This is another one of those things that shouldn’t be a secret, but every time I go on the highway it seems like nobody knows about it.
I assume all my readers are perfectly safe drivers, only driving in the left lane when they need to pass another car, or in gridlock when proper traffic flow isn’t possible anyway. But if you know someone who blocks the left lane then you can share this with them as a subtle hint. Oh, and if someone shared this with you, they probably think you hate left lane bandits just as much as them.
Keeping the left lane clear is important. Not just because it’s the other driver’s right to pass you, but because it is safer. When everyone plays by the same road rules, then everything is more predictable, there are fewer surprises and fewer accidents — that’s why these laws exist, they’re not just for fun.
One of these laws, at least in North America, is to pass on the left. If everyone did this, you would never have a car approach you from behind on your right side. Which, isn’t a big deal if you’re going to make a planned lane change, if you didn’t notice the car approach then you would see them when you check your blind spot anyway. But, if you need to make an emergency maneuver, it’s nice to be able to count on the fact that nobody will be there and you’ve got a safe “Plan B.” (more…)
This is my first Sarcastic Secret, so I should explain that this category is reserved for things that most people already know — things that shouldn’t be a secret, but remain unknown or unclear to some.
Standing is acceptable when you’re on an escalator or moving sidewalk,and sometimes unavoidable. But, standers should stay to the right and leave the left side open so others may pass. You wouldn’t block the left “passing” lane on the highway, and you shouldn’t block it on foot-ways either.
It’s common to see signs reminding people of this rule and I support the people at Detroit’s McNamara Terminal who take this rule very seriously — they painted a line down the center of the moving sidewalk along with the words “walk” and “stand” on the appropriate sides.
Although I took this photo in Detroit’s airport in April ’08, apparently Kansas City has similar dedication to the walk left stand right rule of order in their airport.